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I am a freak of nature

One thing that's always bothered me and makes me wonder about myself is that I don't seem to react the way I think I should when certain things happen. When older relatives die, even if I'd seen them many times, I don't cry. I think the only thing that brought me close to tears was seeing my mother crying when her father died. And now I keep reading about people who are moved to tears because of the tragedy of last week. People who still can't stop crying when they see things about it on the news. Sarah cried hard when she first saw what happened on the news and heard the details. She's still affected by it. She's spooked by noises in the night more than ever. When a truck goes by outside our window in the morning, she wakes with a start. When a plane flies overhead, she tenses. I got angry, but not overly sad. I started to think, not to cry. It was sad, but I wasn't saddened as much as I should've been. Seeing others cry affected me more than knowing what happened. Maybe it just doesn't seem real to me. Maybe I can't make my brain understand that it really happened, so I should be upset about it. I honestly don't know. It makes me wonder what it'd take to move me. What has to happen to make me feel that kind of sorrow? I hope that I'm not truly that callous.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 17, 2001 11:09 AM.

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